Roll dem Bones 'til they Break!

You know the gig is good when all that's supposed to be done as it is supposed to be done results in things getting done right and people having smiles on their faces. Even the mistakes aren't a big deal because the support is actually there and the machine rolls along.

The sensation of the machine running as it should is a beautiful, if fleeting, feeling. Like a pleasant boat ride on a summer evening or a lingering orgasm while clutching a twitching, exhausted yet satisfied lover. It hums in its own rhythm.

I don't give a fuck that it's gambling. Gambling merely requires you to throw your money away. And maybe your life if you let the Demons take you. The majority do it voluntarily and good for them.

Hollywood is far more than a flirtatious Dance with the Devil. It is an attrition chamber run by a cavalcade of demons and servants, swallowing incalculable numbers of Souls who lived and died by their own ambitions in pursuit of their Dreams.

Hollywood demands you submit to the fantasies of another in hopes you may manifest your own. You don't so much achieve success as pierce ever smaller circles of idolatry. There is always a price to be paid, a service which must be rendered - the exchange rate is spiritual as much as it is financial.

Deviance testing boundaries as far as their affordability allows.

It remains the biggest gamble I've ever taken and I'm still here, fuckers. You didn't kill me.

Sure, I could be as bad as the best of them, dance that outer circle of the pentagram as well as any other reckless risk taker considering how close to the center of the star they were willing to go.

I've had the good fortune to work alongside some beautiful people. But very few of them lasted long in that town. I've also worked alongside killers, addicts, whores and the producers who funneled the money that paid for it all.

Mostly.

Even they don't last that long. Their downfalls are simply spectacular.

The biggest lesson you learn in Hollywood is that everyone is expendable. No one is safe unless they earn. If they earn, then the town isn't safe from them.

Win or lose, the uninitiated are always the first to pay.

But I knew my limits, and I'm still here.

I haven't cared enough about my Soul to avoid the occasional Frolic with the Fallen for old times' sake - and god knows I still enjoy a good smoke more than most people's company, but my black lungs haven't ruptured yet and the willingness to fight still remains.

I feel at my core there is more to be done, and as things settle in, I am regaining the ambition to get them done.

Which is good.

Looking forward to the process as well as the presentation.

Finally, once again.

©Brad Havens, July 2026

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