Mad Cave Submission - Exit City - Heavy Traffik

 

EXIT CITY: HEAVY TRAFFIK #1

Written by Brad Havens

Mad Cave Studios

 

PAGE ONE (ONE PANEL)

 

Panel 1: Establishing shot, overhead of the city, looking down onto the miniscule street, where a million ants go about their business, unbothered by the blue and red police lights indicating a crime scene in the alley.

 

This panel alone conveys the social structure of the city owned and operated by tech bros. The city is technologically garish throughout, but these particular few blocks are Times Square on Tesla™ steroids. Further details in the captions.

 

1. MILLER (CAPTION):       So? What do you observe, McCormick?

 

2. MCCORMICK (CAPTION):        The sleek peaks of these buildings are home to above-the-clouds penthouses and boardrooms, like some corporate-branded Olympus.

 

3. MCCORMICK (CAPTION):        Midway down, but still lording above the rabble, digital billboards promote products mostly for insecure men – flame throwers, self-driving sportscars, hair growth serums.

 

4. MCCORMICK (CAPTION):        Yet, the shiny veneer of these tech-laden towers belies the brute steel beams inside, straining to keep the monstrosities upright.

 

5. MCCORMICK (CAPTION):        And, at the very bottom, they still rest upon the greatest technology… Concrete.

 

6. MCCORMICK (CAPTION):        The same, tough slurry as these dirty sidewalks, where the workers who make this nightmare possible trod every day, their faces in phones, unable to remember the color of the sky.

 

 

 

 

PAGE TWO (SIX PANELS)

 

Panel 1: The alley. Police cars with the red and blue lights flash in the background. DET. MCCORMICK (imagine a world weary Walter Goggins) is in the foreground, smirking. DET. MILLER (a street smart Zazie Beetz-type) rubs her temple, annoyed.

 

1. MILLER:                            This fool...

 

Panel 2: Victim’s POV, looking up from the alley floor at the two detectives.

2. MCCORMICK:                  I don’t need my unique powers of observation* to tell me the only reason you’re asking my opinion, Miller –

3. MCCORMICK:                  - is because you’ve already reached the same terrible conclusion.

4. MILLER:                            I mean, Jane Doe fits the Eastern European victim profile...

5. CAPTION:                         *See EXIT CITY 1-4

 

Panel 3: The bloodied hand of the victim, an Eastern European woman.

6. MILLER (O.S.):                 Dump site is arrogantly public.

7. MILLER (O.S):                  Wounds indicate a signature… butchery.

8. MILLER (O.S.):                 This is serial killer 101 –

 

Panel 4. Reverse of Panel 1. Miller is in the foreground, infuriated. McCormick lights a cigarette.

8. MILLER:                            And our mother fuckin’ bosses want it swept under the rug!

 

Panel 5: Same as previous. Miller bites her lip, angered. McCormick exhales the smoke.

9. MCCORMICK:                  Shame we don’t listen.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Panel 6. Miler and McCormick have walked past the open-door ambulance and are small in frame, in the distance. His hand is on her shoulder, comforting. Miller’s dialogue fades - to indicate they are walking further away.

9. MILLER:                            You know it’s gonna be one of the brass, when we finally crack this case?

10. MCCORMICK:                Mm.

11. MILLER:                          Whatever. Man – I am rackin’ up so many hours on this, and I can’t even claim overtime.

12. MILLER:                          And I’m the corrupt cop, remember? Or… is solving crimes they don’t want us to solve considered “corrupt”? Because, I don’t want to lose my reputation…

 

 

 

 

PAGE THREE (FOUR PANELS)

 

Panel 1: Near the alley. In the foreground, the victim’s bagged body is transported via gurney to the awaiting ambulance seen on the previous page. In the background, behind a police barricade, a bustling CROWD of mostly young adults ALL are recording the event with their phones – including podcaster ISABEL KNIGHT.

 

1. CITIZEN 01:                      Which executive dumped his mistress this week? Take our poll…

 

Panel 2: Zoom in. Now in the extreme foreground, the body bag is loaded in the ambulance. Meantime, the crowd is jockeying against the barricade for the best shot. Standing among the chaotic young people is the ambiguously stoic BORIS DIMITROVICH, a weathered, unmoving, middle-aged man.

2. ISABEL:                             “Pretty Kitty, Exit City – why did you die here?” My new podcast exploring the litany of unsolved…  

 

Panel 3: Zoom in. The barricade gives way under the pressure of the crowd, and many of the citizens, including Isabel, tumble forward to the ground. The rest are shocked at the mishap, except for Boris, whose steely gaze remains fixed on the off-panel ambulance.

3. CITIZEN 03 (falling):        For all the freshest crime, ya gotta like an’ SUBSCRIBE!

4. ISABEL:                             Ouf!

5. ISABEL:                             Idiots!

 

Panel 4: Zoom in to a head and shoulders shot of solemn Boris as all those around him clown.

6. CROWD:                            HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

 

 

 

 

PAGE FOUR

 

Artistic note: The page is daringly split into two columns. The page left column (“Column 1”) reflects Miller’s street level approach to investigating; long shots show she is a product of the city. The page right column (“Column 2”) visualizes McCormick’s solitary, cerebral hyper-intensity, a man alone in his Spartan apartment with only his thoughts and files. Column A is slightly wider, adding to its widescreen effect, and to the claustrophobic feel of Column B.

 

COLUMN 1 (4 PANELS)

Panel 1: The first of four cinematic wideshots, each one painted in the wet, dirty neon of Exit City at night. A busy street corner, where Miller talks to a HOOKER.

1. HOOKER:                          They must be some high-end call girls or something. Ain't nobody like that 'round here.

2. MILLER:                            No word on the street about a predator?

3. HOOKER:                          Just the usual kind, honey.

 

Panel 2: Outside a semi-busy dance club, Miller talks to her friend, the BOUNCER.

 

4. BOUNCER:                       Hell, I'd remember if I saw them!

 

5. MILLER:                            Uff -

 

6, BOUNCER:                       Eve, you know I'm jokin'.

 

7. MILLER:                            Mm hm. And that’s Detective Miller, thank you.

 

8. BOUNCER:                       Alright, alright. Only thing weird, lately, s'been this "creepy uncle" lookin' guy.

 

Panel 3: A careless GAS STATION CLERK smokes a cigarette by the pumps, while Miller cautiously interviews her.

9. CLERK:                              Guy was totally intense. Showed me her picture. Have I seen her, did I know her?

10. MILLER:                          You're certain he's Russian?

11. CLERK:                            Um, I studied dialects at Julliard. So, yeah, I think I know what I'm talking about.

Panel 4: Leaning against the yellow cab, Miller eats a hot dog while the excited CABBIE shows her his phone.

 

12. CABBIE:                          I can even show him to you.

 

13. MILLER:                          What?!

 

14. CABBIE:                          The "Pretty Kitty" podcast was live - OMG, I’m such a true crime junkie - and when she falls over, you can see him standing there. He visited the crime scene!

 

COLUMN B (1 PANEL)

Panel 1: This single panel is populated with numerous insets – McCormick’s thoughts. The central image is McCormick on the floor of his sad, bachelor apartment, surrounded by, covered by, the pages and photos of the case files. The only light is from the fishtank, which casts an eerie blue/green pallor over everything.

15. MCCORMICK (CAPTION):                  What am I missing?

 

Inset 1: Close up of a deep laceration on a corpse.

16. MCCORMICK (CAPTION):                  how does he find

 

Inset 2: Victim 2's bloodied face.

 

17. MCCORMICK (CAPTION):                  her last moments

 

Inset 3: Extreme close up, three-quarter profile of McCormick's eyes, wincing.

18. MCCORMICK (CAPTION):                  FOCUS

 

Inset 4: Victim 1's morgue photo.

 

NO CAPTION.

 

Inset 5: Victim 2 and 3's morgue photos.

 

19. MCCORMICK (CAPTION):                  you don't belong here

 

Inset 6: Same as Inset 3, except McCormick's eyes are intensely open. The "ah ha" moment.

20. MCCORMICK (CAPTION):                  how does he find -

 

PAGE FIVE (SIX PANELS)

 

Panel 1: A quiet residential street of tony brownstones, on a steep hill, akin to San Francisco. The mark’s house is at the top of the hill, panel left. McCormick and Miller are at the bottom of the hill, the same side of the street as the house. They meet in front of a car parked against the sidewalk. McCormick holds two coffees. Miller is wearing the same clothes from the previous page.

1. MILLER:                            Screen captured our perp’s image from the podcast, and spent way too many hours last night cross referencing facial recognition from CCTV around the dump site radius.

2. MILLER:                            But at least I found where our Russian calls home.

 

Panel 2: McCormick is pensive. Tired Miller closes her eyes and breathes in the pleasant aroma of the coffee.

3. MILLER:                            Can you top that?

4. MCCORMICK:                  I bring you bad news and good coffee.

5. MILLER:                            Usually, I only get the one.

 

Panel 3: Over the shoulder of Mcormick, as Miller lovingly drinks her coffee.

NO DIALOGUE

 

Panel 4: Same as previous. Miller blissfully exhales.

6. MILLER:                            Ahhhhhh

 

Panel 5: Reverse shot. McCormick is displeased, looking away.

7. MILLER:                            Go on. Break my heart.

 

Panel 6: Same as previous. McCormick looks to Miller.

8. MCCORMICK:                  We're looking at two separate crimes.

9. MCCORMICK:                  Someone is killing these women.

10. MCCORMICK:                Someone else is trafficking them in.

 

PAGE SIX (FIVE PANELS)

 

Panel 1: McCormick leans against the hood of the car, pondering.

1. MCCORMICK:                  That's not even what worries me.

2. MCCORMICK:                  The richest people on the planet, the most lawless city on earth, because they built it. Word gets around.

3. MCCORMICK:                  Ever killer has a type. What if we start finding Jane Doe Ojibwe women? Or nameless little boys?

 

Panel 2: Close up of Miller, dispirited.

4. MILLER:                            That's why the brass is shutting down any investigation into these Jane Doe murders!

5. MILLER:                            It's going to get in the way of someone's business opportunity.

 

Panel 3: McCormick is still facing forward, but Miller has turned, looking up the street - where Boris exits the house with a striking Eastern European woman, NADIA.

6. MCCORMICK:                  Sexual exploitation has always been a form of class warf –

7. MILLER:                            The Russian!

 

Panel 4: Boris and Nadia descend the stairwell of the brownstone. He is looking directly at us/down the street. His right hand is tucked into his jacket. Unbeknownst to Boris, a BLACK VAN bounds over the hill behind him.

8. MCCORMICK (CAPTION):        And his newest victim.

 

Panel 5: McCormick and Miller crouch behind the car, reaching for their service revolvers.

9. MILLER:                            He made us! He made us!

 

 

PAGE SEVEN (EIGHT PANELS)

 

Artist note: This is your time to really shine, by drafting a 3-page “silent” sequence, like segments of Jim Steranko’s Nick Fury, and David Lloyd’s V for Vendetta. For a cinematic reference, try to evoke the suspense of the baby cart sequence in Brian DePalma’s The Untouchables. To heighten the reader’s experience, almost as though they are watching a film in slow motion, be judicious employing blur effects in each panel. NO DIALOGUE. NO SOUND EFFECTS.

 

Panel 1: Same as Page 6, Panel 4. Boris pulls a gun from his coat and aims it at us. His left arm reaches in front Nadia, to protect her. But Nadia looks to the approaching black van. The van’s side panel door is open. A man wearing a SNAKE mask holds a Kalashnikov rifle, aiming it towards Boris and Nadia.

 

Panel 2: Close on Miller and McCormick, still in their position at the bottom of the hill, reacting in horrified disbelief.

 

Panel 3: Boris’ back is to us, Nadia is to his left, and the van is directly in front of them on the street. Snake stands in the van, his Kalashnikov riddling the flailing Boris with bullets. Behind Snake, a woman with a WOLF mask, and a man with a BEAR mask are ready to jump out of the van. Grimacing, Nadia is turned away from the van, trying to duck or shield herself from the bullets. Curiously, she is reaching into her purse.

 

Panel 4: Guns in hand, Miller and McCormick race up the steep sidewalk.

 

Panel 5: Bear and Wolf grab the struggling Nadia, unaware of the Makarov pistol being jostled from her purse.

 

 

Panel 6. Close on the black Makarov pistol hitting the white sidewalk, the feet of Nadia and her kidnappers behind it.

 

 

Panel 7. Looking down the sidewalk: Bear and Wolf stuff the fighting Nadia into the van. In the distance, Miller and McCormick are racing uphill towards them.

 

Panel 8. Running up the steep sidewalk, McCormick’s lanky frame outpaces Miller.

PAGE EIGHT (NINE PANELS)

 

Panel 1: Looking at the front of the van: The van’s panel door closes. The driver, a woman wearing an OWL mask, holds the steering wheel, looking straight ahead.

 

Panel 2: Extreme close up of sweaty, wild-eyed McCormick.

 

 

Panel 3. Close up of Owl, through the windshield, spotting the off-panel McCormick.

 

Panel 4: Same as Panel 2. Sweaty, wild-eyed McCormick aims his gun at us.

 

Panel 5: Same as Panel 1. Owl tightly grips the steering wheel with one hand, but looks behind her, as though about to drive in reverse.

 

Panel 6: Close on the van’s wheel, burning rubber - but in reverse.

 

 

Panel 7: Same as Panel 4. McCormick fires two rounds.

 

 

Panel 8. Same as Panel 5. The van accelerates in reverse, making it smaller in the panel. One bullet pings off the hood, another bullet nearly misses the windshield, pinging off the driver’s side frame.

 

Panel 9: Same as Panel 7. Clenching his jaw, McCormick has lowered his weapon off-panel, though the smoke from the gun barrel still rises into frame.

 

PAGE NINE (ONE PANEL)

 

Panel 1: The final tableau. Wideshot. Their backs to us, an out-of-breath Miller joins the rigid McCormick. They helplessly watch the van – still recklessly driving backwards - disappear over the hilltop. To their left, Boris’ decimated corpse lay in a heap on the stairwell where he fell. Near to him, Nadia’s Makarov pistol is an eye-catching black spot on the otherwise white concrete sidewalk.