Little Fuzzy Bunnies - the Sky is not Blue sketch
Sketch from Little Fuzzy Bunnies - The Sky is not Blue by Brad Havens
(formatted for this blog post)
A Shrink sits behind his desk, writing notes. There is a
knock at the door
SHRINK
Comenzie!
A Patient enters and moves to stand in front of the desk.
The Shrink makes a point of finishing his notes before
acknowledging him.
SHRINK
Ah, jes. Und, how are jou today?
PATIENT
Very well, Doctor, thank you.
SHRINK
Uf course.
They face each other for a long moment. Then the Patient
remembers his part.
PATIENT
And how are you, Doctor?
SHRINK
Very well, very well.
He stands and straightens his suit jacket, very satisfied
with himself. He offers the sofa to the Patient, who
automatically moves to lie down. After gathering a pen and
notepad, the Shrink steps around to his chair by the sofa.
SHRINK
Now, ve haff made much progress in ze
time ve haff spent togezer. I
understand
you saw you wife ze ozer day. That must
haff been nice.
PATIENT
Very much so. She's been great through
all of this.
SHRINK
Mm-hmmm.
PATIENT
But things are getting harder. The bills
are starting to pile up-
SHRINK
Zes, Zes, difficult times for all zese
days...
PATIENT
She was asking how much longer I thought
I might be here, and I
told her it was
up to you -
SHRINK
Nien, mien friend. It is you who must
make ze progress to a healzy
mental
state, jes?
PATIENT
Yes, Doctor. But I am making progress,
right? You said yourself that
it
wouldn't be too much longer
SHRINK
Jes, I did say zat...
PATIENT
So, do you have an idea how much longer
I might be here? My wife
could really
use help with the kids.
SHRINK
Vell, let us review, shall ve? Ven jou
first came into mien office
PATIENT
I was working here
SHRINK
Please not to interrupt again. Zis is a
part of jour zerapy, jes? To review,
ven
jou first comun to mien office, zou had
many delusions regarding the
nature of
society und your place within it
PATIENT
Yes, Doctor. You sure straightened me
out
SHRINK
Jes, und I am very happy for all of zat.
Please not to interrupt again.
PATIENT
Sorry, Doctor. You're the one in charge.
SHRINK
Jes. Please not to forget zat simple
fact. Now, to review, I am prepared to
release you to your duties, und to see
your family, however, it is zis
singular
fixation you have which is not only
peculiar, but most difficult to
overcome
PATIENT
But Doctor, everyone I spoke to agrees
with me. I don't see how you can
say I'm
crazy
SHRINK
Jou are not crazy, jou are delusional.
Ve must ensure jou are not a danger
to
juorself or society.
PATIENT
But -
SHRINK
Very well, mien friend. Let us not vaste
any more time, jes? Zerapy costs
money,
und I haff many patients.
PATIENT
Lucky you.
SHRINK
Jes, vell, it is a calling. Now zen. I
haff vone simple qvestion for jou. What
color is ze sky?
PATIENT
(takes a deep breath)
The sky has no color.
SHRINK
Really?
PATIENT
Yes, Doctor. No color.
SHRINK
Und vhat leads you to zis conclusion?
PATIENT
Well, you made it pretty plain
SHRINK
In jour own vords, please.
PATIENT
Yes, Doctor. You see, the atmosphere has
no color, it simply reflects light,
which we perceive as color. The sky is
not blue.
SHRINK
Zis is correct.
PATIENT
Right.
SHRINK
Jes.
PATIENT
Yes.
SHRINK
Ze sky reflects ze light.
PATIENT
Yes.
SHRINK
Und, zer is no color?
PATIENT
No. No color, Doctor. It's all an
optical illusion.
SHRINK
Illusion, jou say?
PATIENT
Yes. A trick of the eyes, you know...
SHRINK
Un trick ov mien eyes, eh?
PATIENT
Yes, that's all.
SHRINK
Jou understand I haff ze authority from
ze state to keep jou here as long as
I
deem necessary?
PATIENT
Yes, I do.
SHRINK
Und you understand your recovery must be
total?
PATIENT
Completely.
SHRINK
Zen vhy do jou attempt to deceive me mit
zese empty recitations of vords
you do
not belief in?
PATIENT
I'm not
SHRINK
Please do not attempt to refute my
diagnosis. Jou are lyink to me, are jou
not? (long pause) Tell me, does jour
wife reinforce zis delusion of jours?
PATIENT
You leave my wife outta this-!
SHRINK
Jes, of course. Vone zing at a time. so,
jou admit jour lyink to me, jes?
PATIENT
Look, I get what you're saying with the
science and all that, but so
what? I
mean, am I really delusional because the
sky looks blue?
Whether it actually is
or not, I don't think you have a right
to lock me
up over it.
SHRINK
But I do haff ze right, and so you are
locked up for zis delusion. At
night, is ze sky blue?
PATIENT
No
SHRINK
Ah ha! Und so we haff already one flaw
in zis argument ov jours!
PATIENT
But that's at night!
SHRINK
Zen in ze morning, is ze sky blue? (long
pause) I ask again. Is ze
sky blue in ze
morning?
PATIENT
Not really
SHRINK
No, it iz not, iz it? So, I ask you,
vhat is zis fixation vit ze color blue?
PATIENT
It's not a fixation, it's just the way
it is.
SHRINK
Hm. Have jou considered ze distinct
possibility zat jou are un
homosexual?
PATIENT
What? That's absurd!
SHRINK
Um-Hm. Ze first revelation iz uzually
most disturbink
PATIENT
I have a wife and children, sir!
SHRINK
Jes, zey vill be devastated I am sure.
PATIENT
What?
SHRINK
Homosexual deviance requires
suppression, und zis obsession mit ze
color blue is clearly an aberration of
jour latent homsexuality.
PATIENT
You are insane!
SHRINK
Hah! Zis is rich...
PATIENT
I'm not kidding! You're out of your
skull! How are you even allowed
to
practice with this draconian approach-
SHRINK
Do not over work yourself, or I shall
have you sedated. My methods
are
sanctioned by ze state und you vill
comply.
The Patient rises from the sofa and crosses to the window.
The Shrink keeps his eyes on him.
PATIENT
Look! Look, I'll show you
SHRINK
Please to resume your place on ze sofa
PATIENT
Just take a look outside your own
window-!
SHRINK
Step avay from ze window, please-!
PATIENT
Just look at the sky-!
SHRINK
Zis behavior is not healzy
The Shrink pushes a button on the thing hanging around his
neck. The Patient deflates a little at the sight of it.
PATIENT
Please, just listen to me. I know the
official position. I'm just saying
look
for yourself- the window is right here- you have a spectacular
view
SHRINK
I do not need jou to tell me vhat I
haff. Jou are ze patient, not I.
The Shrink presses the button repeatedly as the Patient
speaks.
PATIENT
But you made me the patient because you
insist that I tell you
something isn't
true when I can see with my own eyes
that it is! The
sky is blue! That's it!
End of discussion! Look for yourself!
SHRINK
Zis behavior is most troublink-
PATIENT
Aw, put a sock in it. I'm acting like
any man who can think for
himself! How
can you sit there and judge me when you
refuse to look
beyond your own nose?
SHRINK
It is not mien fault I vear glasses
PATIENT
That's not what I'm talking about at
all!
A pair of guards come in. The Patient looks from them to the
Shrink, who is preparing a needle.
SHRINK
Now, if jou vill calm down, I vill give
you zis injection, und
everyzink vill be
all right...
PATIENT
You can't do this!
SHRINK
Oh, jes, I can.
PATIENT
This is abuse! You're abusing your
authority!
The guards pin him and the Shrink gives him the shot. The
patient goes limp.
SHRINK
Ze sky is not blue. Und jou vill say it
like jou mean it.
GUARD #1
But the sky is blue...
SHRINK
Vhat did jou say...?
GUARD #1
The sky is blue. Look at it.
SHRINK
Mm-Hm. (to Guard #2) Take zis vone to
his room. (to Guard #1) I
vonder if jou
vouldn't mind havink a seat...?
Copyright 2020, Brad Havens. All Rights reserved.
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